wogma rating: Switch channels if it's on cable (?)

quick review:

A must miss. Sloppy visual effects, lamest lines of all, a bizarre plot which wishes that I empathize with an anti-hero who threatens to blast trains don't make a couple of good chase sequences worth it. And you meet some of the most unplanned terrorists on the way.

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Director: Priyadarshan
Running time: 120 minutes
Genres: Action, Social, Terrorism
More Movie Info

Tezz - Preview

The trailer of Tezz seems to suggest that the protagonist actually plants a bomb in a train in England - and that is Ajay Devgan. That is a HUGE gray character to set up right in the promo material. But, unfortunately other than that everything else in the promo material made me smirk at the film, especially the lines given to Anil Kapoor and Boman Irani.

For example, the four 'making of...' videos provide great entertainment if you can laugh AT inanities the people involved in the film can say about the film they have worked on - From Kangna Ranaut in awe of the 'nice places' the producers took them out to eat at; not to mention her weird accent in which she calls Anil Kapoor "shiverous?"; to Ajay Devgan calling Anil Kapoor boring. And did Sameera Reddy just call Priyadarshan, Quentin here? And yet Sameera comes across as the most sensible of them all. The point being, if this is the best the film's team has to say about the film in the promotional material, I only dread what the entire film will be like.

Then there is the whole title song/theme music/background score based on misirlou which beyond the basic tune doesn't do anything imaginative. And this is coming from a person who loves listening to any misirlou tune. It might also have to do with the fact that the last I remember the tune used in a Hindi film was in Cash and coincidentally it the cast had Ajay Devgan and Zayed Khan too. And Cash is in my all-time 'worst films' list.

In addition, philosophically, the trailers raise red flags for me. Whenever racism and associate terrorism is talked about in films, I get a little tense about the author's perspective on the subject. Not only does the protagonist here advertise himself as 'not a terrorist' but also there is a direct reference to 'racial profiling'.

The main trailer with the visuals in this song give pretty much the entire plot. And even though nothing much seems to be exciting about Tezz, the question that remains is interesting enough for me to be mildly interested in how Tezz ends - how are they going to justify the main lead setting up a bomb in a train?

Music Reviews:
Milliblog - "Sajid-Wajid seem to have created Tezz’s soundtrack from their sad tune bank – and it shows."
dunkdaft - "Sajid-Wajid's Tezz - has blunt edge when it comes to music part, not surprised I am."
Bollyspice - "1/5"
Bollywood Hungama - "3/5"
Happy Sing - "the album has got a little too many versions"

- meeta, a part of the audience

Tezz makes your brain go numb - with loud action sequences that accompany shoddy VFX, with its inane dialogue, with content that is mind-bogglingly dim-witted. An illegal immigrant gets so offended for being thrown out of UK that he comes back to threaten, takes along other illegal immigrants to blow a couple of trains off and make demands of the government!? And the hope is that the his backstory is going to make the audience see the justification behind the actions of this "anti-hero"?!

Even if a part of the audience, like me, thinks of Aakash Rana (Ajay Devgan) more as a villain than an anti-hero, he's not loathsome enough to make Tezz watchable. And it is a huge disappointment in that villains who aren't absolutely nasty have such potential to make interesting characters. But here, Aakash seems as misguided as the writers, assuming there were writers involved in this project.

Yep! Beginning to complain about the plot holes implies that there was a coherent plot. All I know is, if I start filling in the 'didn't work' section of the notepad in the opening sequence of a film, the next two hours are pretty much written off. While the film is more or less one chase sequence after the other - some of them well-choreographed, others interrupted by childish graphics and special effects - you wish text on screen said 'The End' when it reads 'Interval'.

None of the main characters have roles that require too much emoting or even speaking - the latter is a good thing. Especially, when the potential speakers are the likes of Kangna Ranaut who made me cringe at her diction even for the two lines that she had. Actually both, she and Sameera Reddy, can barely be called "lead" characters. Of the lot, in fact Boman Irani followed by Anil Kapoor get some screen space that allows for at least some expressions. But, then they have such awful lines, that you wish they hadn't taken this film in the first place.

Then you have the songs that are as out of place even if someone somewhere tried to justify it with some convoluted reason. Mallika Sherawat's 'laila' must be one of the worst choreographed and picturised item numbers of recent times.

Tezz gives a weird sense of disappointment - the kind that you get even when you weren't expecting anything half-decent to begin with.

- meeta, a part of the audience

29 reviewers(?) - 4 yays 5 so-so 20 nays

Warning: clicking on "full review" will take you to an external website that could contain spoilers.

Thumbs up, by Anjum Shabbir, Bolly Spice : ...Tezz is nothing new for western audiences, who will have seen a raft of similar films from Hollywood, but from a Bollywood perspective this will come as fresh and thrilling.... full review

Thumbs up, by Taran Adarsh, Bollywood Hungama : ...TEZZ is a good looking thriller filmed with expertise. Loaded with an ingenious premise, thrilling moments and action, Priyadarshan has curved it into a tremendously well-executed motion picture.... full review

Thumbs up, Movie Talkies : ...though the chase sequences are capable enough to keep viewers on the edge of their seats, the effect of the thrilling parts in the movie is somewhat marred by songs that intrude in the middle of the excitement.... full review

Thumbs up, Zee News : ...Deficiencies apart, the chase sequences in the film are brilliantly shot, and the cinematographer deserves a round of standing ovation.... full review

So-So, Buzz in Town : ...Not quite edge-of-the-seat, the thrills in Tezz are engaging enough to keep us watching.... full review

So-So, Daily Bhaskar : ...Fascinating first half, power-packed performances, classy cinematography and VFX, hard-hitting dialogues, direction are strong points. Weak storyline, music, editing are the drawbacks.... full review

So-So, by Martin D'Souza, Glamsham Editorial, Glamsham.com : ...It's breezy and Tezz, as the name suggests. Priyadarshan, best known for comedies, gets his cast off the blocks in a jiffy, and there's action right from the word go.... full review

So-So, by Vivek, India Entertainment : ...The film is snappy and doesn’t rely a lot on dialogues, which is a good thing because whenever it does, it becomes a tedious, loud and self-important imitation.... full review

So-So, by Shaikh Ayaz, Rediff : ...If you discount some serious flaws and judge it purely on its entertainment quality, there is enough movement in the narrative and to Priyadarshan's credit, he ensures the momentum doesn't drop. ... full review

Thumbs down, Apun Ka Choice : ...It troughs when the film meanders into unnecessary melodrama, trying to provide an emotive thread to the plot. The climax, too, is a bit outstretched and even leaves a room for the sequel.... full review

Thumbs down, by Bobby Sing, Bobby Talks Cinema.com : ...The plot of TEZZ has no novelty and neither has its execution which looked quite promising in its promos.... full review

Thumbs down, by Blessy Chettiar, DNA : ...May be Priyadarshan should stick to mindless comedies, so we can be sure we’re in safe territory. You won’t be missing much if you skipped Tezz.... full review

Thumbs down, by Deepa Deosthalee, Film Impressions : ...you could pass your time in Tezz playing 'spot the reference'. I found specific elements from the following Hollywood films -- Speed, Unstoppable, Fugitive, Breaking And Entering, and a host of others from which stray plot points.... full review

Thumbs down, by Samrat Sharma, Fully Hyderabad : ...This is one boring film. Not that you'd get any sleep in the theater, oh no. Tezz is louder than your local religious festival gone crazy, and the camera is schizophrenic enough that blinking means missing at least 2 scenes.... full review

Thumbs down, by Divya Solgama, Gomolo.in : ...While watching the film you will be confused whether you are watching a action film or a dramatic film or a potboiler, but I guess towards the end the audience might not even bother to find out as most of them might be busy taking their nap and that too with Tezzzz…... full review

Thumbs down, by Anupama Chopra, Hindustan Times : ...Tezz is an unapologetic, unacknowledged copy of the 1975 Japanese film The Bullet Train. Director Priyadarshan and writer Robin Bhatt liberally lift the plot and entire sequences from the film.... full review

Thumbs down, by Rajeev Masand, IBN Live : ...From leather jackets and trench coats to dark glasses and monkey caps…if only half the budget spent on the trendy wardrobe of the actors in this film had been utilized to hammer out a more sensible script, perhaps Tezz might have been a less stupid film.... full review

Thumbs down, india today : ...a film that is surprisingly slow for a film called Tezz Read more at: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/tezz-movie-review/1/186306.html... full review

Thumbs down, by Mrigank Dhaniwala, koimoi : ...Watch if you want to see an Indian copy of many Hollywood train-bombing films.... full review

Thumbs down, by Udita Jhunjhunwala, Live Mint : ...Like most films featuring sundry foreign actors, Tezz also showcases a range of hammy performers with accents that vary from British to American.... full review

Thumbs down, by Shaheen Parkar, MiD DAY : ...For a thriller that created more buzz for an item number than for its action, you know what to expect.... full review

Thumbs down, by Mansha Rastogi, Now Running.com : ...Tezz can be seen for Anil Kapoor and Ajay Devgn and also for the Bollywoodishness of it. For the ones disinterested in these elements, Tezz isn't the film for you. ... full review

Thumbs down, by Stutee Ghosh , Planet Bollywood : ...while most of the scenes hold a lot of meat and the dialogues are firebrand, there’s some scenes which are terribly tacky and dated what you wonder why was it even needed.... full review

Thumbs down, by Sonia Chopra, Sify Movies : ...Anil and Ajay give us earnest, intense performances. But what's the use if the rest of the film is marred by an absurd plot, sketchy storytelling, and abrupt editing. ... full review

Thumbs down, by Swati Rohatgi, STARDUST : ...Tezz can only work among hardcore Bollywood buffs who haven’t seen the Hollywood hits it’s copied from.... full review

Thumbs down, by Anuj Kumar, The Hindu : ...Set out to make a thriller, good old Priyadarshan delivers an unintentional comedy which is neither sharp nor sensible.... full review

Thumbs down, by Priyanka Roy , The Telegraph : ...The only thing going for Tezz is that it is true to its name: it’s just about two hours long. But when a film is as foolish as this, even those 120 minutes can seem like a week. Especially when the background score goes: Tezz… tezz… tezz… tezz… everyone tezz!... full review

Thumbs down, by Srijana Mitra Das , Times of India : ...Despite slick action and stunning scenes - bullets ramming underwater into a sunlit stream, a violet flower-bush before a cop-car - Tezz loses speed often.... full review

Thumbs down, by Rahul Desai aka Reel Reptile, Upper Stall : ...Eventually, the only thing the writers got right after much soul-searching was their decision to have 'zz' in the title. We can add the rest. ... full review

14 tweeters(?) - 2 yays 0 so-so 12 nays

MinorityReview: If action thrillers are your choice teamed with performances by great actors,then watch #Tezz to get thrilled.Read more http://bit.ly/IC0290

Alirampurwala18: tezz movie is gud ..

sunyy7: thanks ajay 4 flop Tezz,drop the idea ,dont try 2 compete with SRK's movie

sawfall: tezz incomplete and disorganised movie but got some good action sequences >>>

pungibaaz: And crowd from theatres also "@BollywoodGandu: The only thing Tezz about the movie is the speed at which it will leave the theaters.

Priy29: The only fun in #tezz is @MallikaLA 's LAILA....lailaaaa..awsumm..

ninja_chaacha: Tezz is horrible pathetic moive ! If ul r planing please don't go !

k_nandini: Best thing about Speed-inspired Tezz is we're spared the sight of Mohanlal & Boman Irani making out at the end. Review http://disbursedmeditations.blogspot.in/2012/04/tezz-dheema-more-like.html

Its_Imran: From Tezaab to Tezz Anil Kapoor's Carrier graph went downwards RT @ZoomTV Anil Kapoor: Arjun reminds me of my character in ‘Tezaab #zoOmTV

itgeniegroup: The only thing Tezz about the movie is the speed at which it will leave the theaters.

DEEPAKlovesrk: #Vickydonor,a must watch for everyone...& don't watch #tezz.

BollywoodGandu: The only thing Tezz about the movie is the speed at which it will leave the theaters.

Ayeshasrk: Tezz Is A HUge Flop

Ajaysthakur: #vickydonar become successfull and #tezz become flop.. now all the questions are over about the success of non star cast film #storyworks

4 readers - 1 yays 1 so-so 2 nays

Not Interested in Watching, by Aditya : Bad.Bad.Bad!

Not Interested in Watching, by rvxleo : instead of watching TeZZ watch "The Bullet train"

Not Interested in Watching, by shubraa : bakwaas

Yay! Thumbs Up, by Nicko

So-So, by Preeth

Nay! Thumbs Down, by Rachit Gupta : Didnt see it!!! Dont intend to see it!

Nay! Thumbs Down, by Rune Svarholt : Shady plot and grey characters built around too many and too long chase sequences..

This page has additional observations, other than the ones noted in the main review.

Plot Summary

An illegal immigrant gets so offended for being thrown out of UK that he comes back to threaten, takes along other illegal immigrants to blow a couple of trains off and make demands of the government.

What Worked

  • That there was a decent proportion of non-Indians in UK. And that they spoke in English. That they were bad actors is an entirely different issue.

What did not

Note: This section simply lists the things that I did not like in this movie. This is not the overall impression about this movie. Please read the full review here

  • The court in UK looked more like the ones in India, no?
  • Aakash Rana (Ajay Devgan) sitting alone in the court after being implicated.
  • The random slow-motion shots, for example the one where the coin falls off the beggar's bowl.
  • A person deported from UK for being an illegal immigrant is allowed to come back or finds his way back! Really?
  • Some action sequences were hilarious - one in particular had Aakash and Aadil (Zayed Khan) wait to face the cops when the place they were at is raided and then Aakash shouts at Aadil to 'run!'
  • So, the cops in UK get hold of an arms dealer, take him to a train station and then handcuff him after he gets off the car?
  • Why is a arms dealer who is caught in London being taken to Glasgow, anyway?
  • These wannabe terrorists handover open bombs from one to another!
  • Mohanlal.
  • The animation in the train switch.
  • and many many more such things...

Parental Guidance:

  • Violence: Loads and loads and loads of gun fights.
  • Language: A couple of abuses.
  • Nudity & Sexual content: A skimpily clad Mallika Sherawat in an item number.
  • Concept: That of justifying the anger of illegal immigrants in the UK.
  • General Look and Feel: An attempt at being slick.

Detailed Ratings (out of 5):

Lead Actors:
Character Artists:
Music Director:

Tezz - Cast, crew, links

Official Sites:
Music Director:
Costume Designer:
Art Direction:
Running time:
120 minutes

Comments (5)

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@Anuj :( sad but true

@Anoop is it? Haven't seen it.

Why did you even watch this movie :P

@Nicko :) So am i being charged for not liking Tezz?

@Aditya Professional hazards :)

@Preeth :)

I haven't read any other reviews by 'meetu' but
I certainly will. I totally agree to the fullest extent and in every aspect of the 'Tezz' review!

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