If Metro…In Dino were to be believed, sex was at the crux of any meaningful romantic relationship. The other main point it takes a jab at is that the natural progression of questions society asks people is: "When will you find someone?"
"When will you get married?"
"When will you have kids?"
"When will you have an extra-marital affair?"
"When will you get caught?"
"When will you start regretting your affair (mainly because you got caught)?"
That's mostly for the men. The women, on the other hand, are more watchful, smarter, more aware, and more deliberate. Yep, the film's storyboard seems to be a 3x5 table.

It is problematic when the characters get away with being uncommunicative, and it is implied that no real change is needed.

I know that sounds reductive, but hey, I didn't start it.

You'll notice, though, and it is heartening to see Metro…In Dino, have faith in Gen Alpha. For a bit, it even tried to be a commentary on the impact of social media on not just younger generations. But those light streaks are about the only progressive ones you see in the film. Unless, you count making the woman in the relationship responsible for her freedom despite all the faults her man is unapologetic about. Sure, he apologises, but that is only because he is called out. None of the men characters seemed like they wouldn't repeat their acts if the clock were turned back.

It is a shame, then, that I got fooled into believing I am in for a treat in the first few minutes of the film…the first hour even. The lyrical smashing of the fourth wall, the Broadway musical take on narration, and the music itself were all thoroughly engaging. Regular readers will know how much breaking of the fourth wall seems like a cop-out to me. But, the approach made it good enough for me to slide my misgivings to the background. Yes, even Pritam and his band showing up on screen.

Soon, the narrative style gets tired of its own gimmick. To be fair, as an audience, I too was ready for the incessant music-overshadowing-dialogue bit to change. Change, it did; but to plain and regular.

Sure, sustaining the energy of the first hour's music is a tall order. It made my heart sing. I didn't want the film to end. I started making plans to watch it again with the family. Of course, it was silly of me to expect that to go on for another 1.5+ hours. Only to realise after those 1.5 hours, that the makers too knew they didn't have anything else going.

Sure, sustaining the energy of the first hour's music is a tall order. And that they couldn't.

The stories were actually just one love story. Sure, there are five couples, but they are just at different stages of the relationship. So, it's really only one story. The trajectory is clear—cuddly-cute start, terrible things like marriage and kids happen, the inevitable affair, the relationship waking up from its deep slumber…by now, we are so bored that it doesn't matter that there is an ever after, happy or not. Sorry, I lie. It was seriously annoying and infuriating when it's happy.

Because it's not that infidelity is unforgivable or that people change their strong opinions. It's how things change without warning; how very good build-ups fizzle out. Real-life couples find their ways around the "cheating" in their relationships. So, that's believable, alright. People who don't believe in love, fall deep when they find it. That's cool too. It is "how" that is mismanaged here. This character feels SO wronged, is SO angry, SO disturbed, SO indignant…and all that washes away? This other character is against steady relationships and is suddenly seen inviting people to his wedding.

While other character transitions are better justified, these two are too glaring to keep your hands from going up in the air in frustration. It doesn't help that the men in the story simply refuse to communicate. They do the most bizarre things to get what they want, but they will not have a straight conversation. Which would have been fine, because you know that's how it is usually in real life. And what is cinema but a reflection of life?

The snag is when this is shown as an okay thing to do. It is problematic when the characters get away with being the way they are, and it is implied that no real change is needed. It feels like this behaviour is being rewarded. It feels like the makers are making an excuse for men to continue to be children who need constant mothering. The film wants to recognise how women are asked to move heaven and earth, and how unfair that is. But it shrugs that away with, "Women are destined to be martyrs. What can we do?"

I half-wished that the performances weren't as good as they were so that I could be distracted from the lame writing by some sub-par acting. But with Neena Gupta leading the way, there was little chance for that. Konkona Sen Sharma uses her eyes to communicate so well that you might dismiss the rest of her being, which makes her characters what they are. Ali Fazal and Fatima Sana Shaikh are convincing as a regular couple with regular problems.

Even Aditya Roy Kapur and Sarah Ali Khan make you chuckle at the right times. In fact, Kapur has some of the most well-written lines. So much so that after having watched the full film, I wonder if they were lifted inspired from elsewhere.

Which might be true of some of the music that I enjoyed in the first hour. And if that's true, there isn't anything worth the trouble that should drive you to watch the film, for the music is available online. We are living the drama that modern romance offers—if not our own, that of those around us. We don't need a superficial take on it. Especially, when it thinks it is layered and deep.

- meeta, a part of the audience