Review - Chandni Chowk to China: From blah to more blah blah

"Houston, we have a problem" A huge problem.

We are losing Ranvir Shorey to the big, bad world and...fast.

Ranvir is 'Chopstick' who's a Feng Shastra specialist, and sells good luck amulets too. He'll do anything for every penny to get his daily bread. But, he's not entirely heartless. Looks like a nice gray character which Ranvir can do full justice to, right? Uhh...Friendly reminder: we have the heart-throb of the "masses", Akshay Kumar playing a simpleton, the village chowk fool, in this movie too. By definition, the entire cast HAS to speak at least 20 decibel levels above acceptable. And therein lies the problem. Ranvir, who can convey so much just by his eyes, let alone body language, is made to look like the comic filler found in every other slapstick.

I guess slapstick has a role in entertainment. But, then can't there be something fresh, something that makes you roll on the floor laughing, literally. Sure, there are a few lines scattered around that are witty and bring a smile. But then every element of a 'masala' entertainer is like a punctuation for the next element. It' like the scriptwriter/director went -

Oye! 19 minutes since we had an emotional scene. Time for one. Plug it in. OR/AND Oh no! actors have too much glycerin, can't have the audience crying for too long. Where's that crotch joke we played 5 minutes ago? Will be perfect here. AND/OR Oopsie-doopsie-poopsie...haven't had an action sequence in a while. Editor dear, let's put one in, right before this lovey-dovey song. So on and so forth...

There would've been a miniscule amount of grace if any of these elements worked at least by themselves. But, na-ah. A smile here, a smile there. A good laugh with a hard slap on the forehead at the pointless predictability of it all.

True, the action sequences and ensuing computer gimmickry are ght. A couple of 'wows' for Deepika Padukone's karate hu-aa. But that's in absolute terms. Relatively, an evening out with Matrix's Trinity and Kung Fu Panda might give a better dose of action, comedy and cuteness!

There's something about Deepika that doesn't seem right. She looks alright, nothing overly charming or beautiful. But not 'the girl next door' either. She's not completely blank but is still going through the motions. Who am I kidding? There is really no character(s) under whose skin she could let her talent(?) grow and show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...time to give credit where it's due. Yep! There were a couple of things I liked. Akshay Kumar's character, Sidhu is extremely consistent. There's no point where the event of the moment inspired him to grow brains. The way the character grew gradually didn't seem out of place or sudden.

Like with Nikhil Advani's earlier venture Salaam-e-ishq, I found the tiny spoof-type sub-plots interesting. There are these infomercials which pop up every once in a while. A comment on blind faith is made in passing. I'm curious how such issues make their way into an absolute crazy caper. Anyway too little, too late. This is all completely lost in the pure non-sense that the plot, the script, and the screenplay are. Yep, you are right! What more could I have expected!?