I want to be an actor too - I have more than one and a half facial expressions. Oh, but will that mean I have to be a nasal singer and crack a poor joke about myself on the big screen? The good thing though, is that I would need to be a music director with just one tune in my head. Lyricists who can change the words around a bit here and there must be readily available. No, never mind, I can't, I don't wear a cap that a houseful theater would hoot and whistle at. Too predictable of one to talk about Himesh's cap, well if he can have a badly timed joke about it, why can't I?

Okay, I exaggerated on the music bit. Himesh has certainly tried at least one tune ("Dil na todna") a little out of his usual style, but listening to it you wish he hadn't. The camerawork and lighting of the first song "assalaam vaalekum" is beautiful. But then things deteriorate. Song-after-song-after-song (thank me for not doing that 5 more times). On the way he forgets pronunciation - have never heard "bina" and "tanhaiyaan" being crooned out so badly. And to top it off, we have the sacrilege called "Mehbooba mehbooba". Were they actually given permission to do this to a song from Sholay? Dear Mr. Burman, I apologize for listening to this version of arguably one of your best compositions. And while am it, Mohammad Rafiji, I am sorry for laughing out loud at what was done to "dard-e-dil" of Karz.

Having totally trashed the two main attractions of the movie - the lack of acting by Himesh Reshammiya and then the music - I must tell you something about myself. I am a very patient person as far as movies are concerned. It is usually very difficult for a movie to bore me. Even after about half an hour post interval, I was hopeful. Hopeful that at least the story will be an actual thriller. Alas, the completely lose it thereafter! Far from causing any sort of a thrill, some bits were slow - allowing enough unintended giggle-time - and thus bored till hair be torn apart. The last half hour was plain, outright, superbly ridiculous!! Who gave them a right to take us so much for granted?!

There are no well rounded characters for me to really complain about character inconsistency. Anyone can do anything or nothing. Most characters can transform from evil to good without the slightest provocation and with most inane dialogues for support. And when there are such glaring gaps I don't really have the right to talk about details like a person changing his cap after being arrested.

Ah yes, how can I not mention the quintessential "oomph" factor - Ms. Sherawat. She does her bit. Flaunts her body, dances a couple of dances, utters the mandatory line or two, because she is a character in the plot after all. And Ms. Motwani, well, she looks sweet and has so much eye-shadow on, that she can barely open her eyes. Oh yeah, and what is with the lipstick for Sachin Khedekar and the bright orange lip gloss for Pankaj Jha?

What can I say when the most interesting part of the two+ hours spent in the theater was the 30 second teaser of "Sultan The Warrior" (actually looking forward to it!)?