Sometime earlier this week, a friend suggested that all I'd need to do for the review of All the Best is to copy-paste the review of Golmaal Returns. I laughed it off then. On Diwali-eve, I'm so tempted to use that suggestion as really well-meaning and useful advice. But, non-plagiarizers that we are, here you go. (And if don't care for the details, the rating says it all. Golmaal Returns is not recommended and neither is All The Best.)

There are these two buffoons who are the creative types, so they obviously can't earn for themselves - Prem, Prem Chopra (Ajay Devgan) and Veer (Fardeen Khan). But they have expensive tastes and style of living. So, of course they beg, borrow, AND steal. And lie, lie to cover that lie and so on. And of course, a successful business tycoon, more gullible than the average nincompoop, Dharam (Sanjay Dutt) completes the circle.

Yeah, that's the kind of "plot" we are looking at. (Of course, you can choose not to look at it, I didn't.) Add to it the endless stream of caricatured characters who add to the commotion. But, there is this razor-thin silver lining to this dark cloud - there are a few good one liners every once in a while. And they are delivered pretty subtly, especially in comparison to the rest of the movie. The understated tone in which the lines just come make them funnier too. But they are only few and not worth spending those extra calories you've put on this festive season. Enjoy the extra weight, seriously.

Nothing else is subtle about the rest of the show though. The acting is loud and the background music is louder. And when that's deemed "not enough" there is this shriek-track played in addition to the background score. Supposedly to make us laugh or NOT!

There isn't anything stylish or cool or worth-watching about the actors' appearances either. The women are wearing the lousiest of outfits and are made up way too much. The men are in their usual slapsticky mode, cracking a few toilet jokes, a few innuendoes and the occasional witty line. So mundane is that there is no amount of oomph their presence could add. Not that they are the best lookers in the industry anyway.

A lot of older films are referred to. Maybe they are supposed to be tributes. But looked more like insults both in the way they were used AND because the film that's paying a tribute also needs to be of a certain basic quality to consider itself worthy of paying that tribute, right?

There is this slight comment on undying friendship and the extent to which the best of friends can go to save each others' skin. And there are a couple very sweet moments between Ajay Devgan and his screen partner Bipasha Basu. The fact that they worked for me despite coming towards the end of a tiring film, means all the contributors to those shots did their job really well. If only there were more of those.

Yes, guys, go watch that diya burn. Your Diwali will be happier by avoiding this one.